Learning piano shows what progress looks like for me—several days of not much, followed by surprising outbursts of new ability. Most days, it is a slog to practice a row of sheet music, and then on rare special days, the muscle memory takes over my fingers, and I can play the Turkish March without any mistake. Progress is never linear.
I wonder what happens on those days where nothing much happened? Does progress happen gradually or suddenly?
A newborn makes a lot of progress. That is all they do: changing their body and brain to survive the world they are born into. Unlike other progressions in life, a newborn progression is well-documented. My newborn son has a health book with a checklist to keep track of his achievements to date. Can his eyes follow rattling toys? Can he lift his head consistently? Failure in doing any of these activities may indicate a “developmental delay”, a sign when the expected progress does not happen.
Despite having clarity of what I can expect from him, it is still frustrating not to know when it will happen. His eyes are still crossed, and although the Internet tells me he will grow out of it in several months, there is still a chance that he may not.
I see four possible state of progress: no progress, gradual, sudden and regression.
Last month I noticed one gradual progress with my son. He had problems with pooping. He cried as if the world is ending every time he needed to go. He needed to tighten his stomachs while relaxing the anus to poop (things I did not know before parenting), and he had not developed this complex coordination in his first few weeks of life, but he gradually got it after one month. The cries lessened until he stopped crying altogether.
Then there is a leap that happens suddenly, like his sleep. Min’an and I came across a book called Cherish the First Six Week that guided us on how to sleep train the baby in a way we think is practical. On the first day of implementing the training, we thought we would not sleep during the night because we expected him to cry a lot when we stopped soothing him to sleep. Yet, that did not happen. He cried for several minutes and slept. From that night on, he could self-soothe himself after 5-10 minutes of crying. Soon he was sleeping four hours between feeds at night, and as of now (four weeks after sleep training started), he sleeps seven hours between feeds.
Once we saw the pattern of non-linearity in his progress, we started to track everything we think is important using an app. Things like when he poops, how much milk he gets and when he usually cries. If we see a different pattern emerges for several days, like constant crying for half an hour, we changed our routine. We then track the progress to see if on average he is moving along well or if there is any regression occurring.
I wish I can deal with progress in other parts of my life like how I deal with my son. It is much more productive when I do not expect to see a straight line of progress, and allow even regression to occur. I probably will have a better result, or at least enjoy the progress much more.